I hope you read this

I know, that was fucked up. I didn't do it because of my own carelessness or bitchiness, I didn't okay? That entire time of June that we were together, I was lying, I'm sorry but I was. I didn't feel the same at all. The I love you's were lies. Which is why in the end we broke up, she told me better end it now rather than keep lying to him and forcing yourself to actually love him. I still tried..

I shouldn't have, I know. I kept telling myself throughout that deep conversation I had with him that I had you. And I couldn't do anything no matter how much I was being attracted to him. I had you.

I talked to him about us. I complained to him about us, I needed someone to listen to me, not tell me the same shit, break up with him. Yeah, everyone said that okay? But I still stuck with you trying to make it work. Please, I'm not a bad person. I made a mistake.. Count all the days we fought for those 7 months we were together, almost everyday, consider the things you said towards the shit you got mad at me for. I treated you wrong..?

I didn't care at all anymore, I had no feelings at all anymore, I was waiting for the right time to do it. But idk, something held me back I still don't know what it was but something did hold me back. But the only thing the cheating did, was make me realize all of this. I could have something better, someone who doesn't talk to me like I'm shit. What kind of boyfriend talks to their girlfriend the way you did to me..? I didn't love you anymore. Not because of him, but because of the way you treated me everyday of those 7 months. People looked down on our relationship, but I still stood up for you, stood up for us when they were right and I was wrong. I was so wrong..

I'm not proud, oh God I am not proud. But I didn't feel guilty in a way that you think I should be. I'm guilty because it was wrong and unjust to you. Not because it was cheating.

Okay, she told you I treated you wrong. But how? How did I? I gave you everything and more. I tried so hard to see you sometimes, I paid my brother to drive me, so close to getting caught by my parents when I go out. All for you. You were my everything so I did all I could just to see you. What did I do wrong then?


Right now, I can honestly say, I would rather be with you still and get yelled at almost everyday for about 8 months and more, cry every night for every single day of the relationship, get threatened, be demanded sexual actions..
rather having you take away everything.. You took her too, what more can you do to ruin me? I'm ready for more, just keep 'em coming..


Don't worry, the things you weren't supposed to tell me, I'll keep them to myself, for your sake of having a friend, and for her reputation. I won't tell, no matter how much you've hurt me in and out of our relationship. I still consider your feelings.




You have them all, you lost me but you gained all three of them.
This totally, completely, and utterly fair.