Re-arrangment

Today all I did was clean. Empty handed, that's all I could do other than sit on my ass and stare at the walls. I made my bed look like a couch and It feels pretty comfortable. I took a nap in couch position whatever that is but then i woke up upside down x] I kinda like that haha.
Second thinking alot.
I think I'm going to wake up early and take a walk to the donut shop and get a donut or something. Maybe, the way there is kinda scary, at least on the other side of the street. I miss the cold weather, I like summer and all but everyone knows I sweat easily and that's nasty. I havn't worn pants yesterday or today. Sometimes I wonder if my parents and brother get disturbed or not.

So lately I've been listening to alot of like R&B and Hip Hop and Rap and all that iish. This evening I decided to change that and now I've been listening to some good ol' Tegan and Sara & Meg and Dia haha. Probably move on to some Spoon later or something. Really calms me down or at least keeps me calm haha.

I've chosen to change my lifestyle because stuff aint goin' right anymore. I hope this works for the better. Goodnight :]

Drowning in your Song

"If you keep getting mad at names, you'll have nothing left"
I'm a stubborn kid. I should've listened right then and there when she told me that but I never thought that it would come to this situation. Never. Not you..
"Temper Temper She's not fighting, but her pulse is saying otherwise"
We all say things we don't mean when we're mad. At this moment I would say, am I wrong? But I am. Not for that, but for what I've said. I should have held it in--Sticks and Stones will break my bones but Words will never hurt me-- Regret, regret, a part of my heart is gone. I've never felt this empty. Loosing the both of you broke me, seeing you this morning I instantly started to cry. I do not know when I will see her again, but if I ever, I hope we won't be like how we are. Until that day comes, I hope we don't meet eyes, it would hurt too much.
"The feelings I felt when I said I needed you, I don't recall I'll ever hear it back"
I'm not going to beg for you to come back anymore. I want to but you're not giving me the chance. I doubt you read the multiple texts I sent you, I don't blame you. Like you said it was my choice. I know how you guys talk, both of you. Because it was always the three of us since kindergarten, and you .. so much longer than that. I wish you'd hear me out. I'll still hope you would, even if that day never comes. You're probably rolling your eyes and talking in that matter to each other about me. So I'll stop now, this whole blog is pointless, just like my missed calls and deleted texts. I love you Robyn&Arleen. I'm so sorry.

"Thinking About Tomorrow Won't Change How I Feel Today"

Sticks and Stones

Yesterday had to be the greatest day ever. I had so much fun and yes Madison Aust you are right, this is exactly what i need. I deserve to be happy right? What's so wrong with that? I understand that you're mad but just give me a chance to explain please. Don't ignore me, i know you're pissed but please, just hear me out when I say I'm sorry.

Don't leave like this, don't leave at all. I hope you're reading this. Please return my calls babes :[

Sweaty Palms

Well i woke up this morning to the text of Danielle Ann, my girlfriend, telling me good morning like she always does. She texted me at exactly 8 am which is comepletely perfect because i planned on waking up early anyways to run two miles with Lien, who needs to wake up NOW, so i can get rid of my food baby which has been growing severely fast. After cleaning my self up i went downstairs and my dad was here and he told me he was going to work late today and took me to breakfast. Now im here alone waiting for him to be completely out of my neighborhood so i can run to Lien's and either ask to wake her up or throw shit at her window. I am very scared of her father which makes it scarier to be knocking on their door this early in the freakin morning, if only she answered my 17 missed phone calls -__-

On a side note, the rest of today is going to be a very nerve wrecking day! Im going to the Cerritos Mall which is getting overpopulated with, well nevermind. Anyways, Im going to hangout with the most hilarious people ever and Im looking forward to that alot, just a bit nervous x[ Well i guess it's time now that i wake up the beast! Au Revoir!

SUPER DUPER(:

Since I didn't write a blog describing my pointless day of yesterday, i might as well do so noww. Yesterday I was completely home alone because my brother's nasty job took him all the way to San Dimas to help out another branch. Yesterday morning was the start of how i begin and end everyday now, i wake up and automatically turn my stereo on and play the Little Bit Remix and eventually the Yeah Yeah Remix. Those two songs begin and end my summer days now. Siiigh, well on with my story. I spent the entire day downstairs sitting on my ass watching old episodes of Degrassi, oh and i baked a pizza :] I later on webcammed with Matthew <3 :] and talked to him for like the remainder of the day and night:]] Aaaaand.. oh yeah, after dinner I called Lien [BEST FRIEND] and we took the longest walk around the neighborhood and ended up getting jobs as a babysitter for this one man's daughter in the park lol. After talking to Matthew I called Danielle to scream my heart out haha <3

As for todaaay, today was a pretty good day i have to say. Ooh that rhymed ! Hehe, well i got up and freshened myself, slid on a jacket and started walking to Lien's house to wake her up. On the way there i saw Jasmine Miranda's grandpa outside and he is the sweetest old man ever, well not as sweet as my Lolo ahaha. But yeah we talked about how the both of us were doing and then i waved goodbye and ended up at Lien's front porch. Her dad let me in and I awoken the great beast. We stayed in bed under the blanket and watched like the first part of Ghost's of Girlfriend's Past until i accidently unplugged her laptop while trying to get comfortable haha. We then went to my house to eat and i forced her to watch The Ruins, but then she offered to wash the dishes if i changed the channel, which is a GREAT deal considering the fact that im always having to clean the freakin house when my mother is not here. We decided we wanted to go taaan because im so damn pale and then we went to the pool. On the way there, the guy with the sex car drove by with his asian friend and was like "Hey hey, how's it goinn? So um my friend here.." and his friend was laughing and told him to just go and they drove to the stopsign and the guy yelled "HE SAYS HE LOVES YOU!" which made us have a good laugh. After all that iish, my parents and I went out to eat at this really good like Mexican retaurant. It was really authentic :] Earlier Lien found out that she got hired to be an Intern at Guess and she starts tomorrow which leaves me with absoloutely nothing to do for the rest of summer until my damn summer school starts. Ahh waiting for some great phone calls ! Haha well i guess i should end this now. Goodnight <3

Stick to your Guns

Today was the most, unpleasant and useless day. I dont even know why but i woke up screaming Fuck You, and the rest of the day i just didnt give a fuck about anything. Watched TV with Mike and went to Kat's house to pick up but ended of staying there for awhile. I met AC's cousins and baby brother who is such a cutie. Then we got ready to go and did our thaang when we got home ;] After that .. shit i dont even remember.
Woke up Mad, gonna end up sleeping Mad. What a great day -__-
Hopefully the thing at Albert's goes well tomorrow, i needa have some fuun.

Song of the Day
Heard 'Em Say- Kanye West

Roller Coaster

Today, was a roller coaster. Woke up kinda mad but i went to Lien's and woke her to make me some breakfast after all my complaints of hunger last night on the phone. We spent forever trying to find out what i was gonna wear today and when everything was done, makeup and hair. not going anywhere.
Lien, you are my best fucking friend and im sorry for snapping at you or being overly depressed and killing your fun :[
Went to boba and walked back. Ranted about how i had nothing planned, got tired from all the yelling and took a nap with Lien. Woke up, listened to music then made a bracelet. Ended up going to the mall anyways but my mom got mad at everything i put on to wear which made me decide to become nudist. finally went and got some high moments and some lows.
All in All, today i was bi-polar -___-

Song of the Day
My love cover by Passion and Leejay

dont get me wrong

i think about us everyday. but the thing is, is that im trying to pass it, you really should too. okay, i know its hard but really, you should try too rather than mope around and make more things to remind you of what we had. i do cry to people. i do, but then the people that i cry too come and help me get my mind off it and have a good time. live your summer



i never thought that you would come to my rescue haha. like seriously, you and everyone else said no matter what ill always be there. and well you are <3 thanks Robyn Campos and Lien Nghiem. you guys really made alot easier for me

i've been waiting

it had to happen eventually. at least thats what people told me. i thought that i was stronger than before, not as weak and frail as before, but i guess i was wrong.. i cant stand this feeling, i knew i was gonna get it too. i was so scared that i was gonna come to a point where i was gonna feel completely alone and empty. fuck my life. he has been such a big part of my life for seven and a half months and now hes gone. no wait, scratch that,he was my life. everything i ever wanted or needed was him. yeah i know, it was my choice, i didnt wanna give another try. but we've tried so many times, so am i wrong? i could be.. he did change.. a whole lot and i thank him for that, but it doesnt feel right. i hate to admit this or say it but yeah. i wished i didn't clean my room, i wish i was with someone right now so this loneliness wasn't so exaggerated on me. yesterday when i got off the computer from talking to everyone and i stepped into my room. i just stood in the middle of my empty ass room and i looked at my phone. no texts. no calls. nothing. so i just broke down and started crying again. im thinking im crying because i miss him, well of course i miss him, he was always there and now he's not.

its just a matter of time i guess. i guess i'll stop crying some time soon and ill be able to look back on our relationship without bursting out into an obnoxious cry. no one will ever show me the things he has in life and i know i have much more to go through and see but hes taught me alot with the time we had together. and i'll never forget any of the things i said. i remember this relationship from day 1, literally november 1 2008. that was one sweet day filled with shaking knees and sweaty hands. one day i might get that feeling again, and one day hes gonna get it too. and we'll both be happier than how we were with each other.. right? i hope these things are true its the only thing thats keeping my head up.
for now ill just keep living my life, just with him not in it every second of my life.. and i'll just hold back the crying and find some way out of this. i will and he will. its just a matter of time

Song of the day
First Day of Spring- Chris Brown ;[

but only for a little bit

i saw this one creepy movie yesterday, pretty demented. but i like those kind of movies bahaha. what a creep lol. i think of myself in that movie, how in the movie the people were at the edge of the cliff thing. i mean like you jump for a risk in all, and you dont know whats gonna happen when like if you just turn around you know for sure whats going to happen. nothing. same lifestyle.
got some thinking to do.

song of the day
Little Bit- Lykke Li

i dare you

i always thought that things turn out good, not trying to sound like some emo fagget but really, things havnt for me. and yeah, okay, im suuuper young. but.. sadly i hate it here. things have gotten really rough throughout this entire school year and id just say eh, whatever. not a good choice. things have gotten worse and now i cant pull myself together.

i wanna leave here. this place thats called home. fuck, the only person here thats worth my damn time is my mom. sometimes my brother but he has his own life. to my father, im not a child, i am a dog. ordering me around in such rude ways. God please.. i hate this. i hate this city, i hate this life im living. i cant believe that im saying this at such a young age but really, wheres the brightside ? i havnt found it yet :[

Song of the Day!

dare you to move- switchfoot