Past

I've been hanging out with one of my old ex boyfriends lately. Well only twice but we've been talking alot. How did this happen? Especially after all thats happened between me n him in those 7 months. It all began when I saw my old bestfriend at church and for some reason I said hi. Because again, alot happened between me n her as well. Then she started crying so I left to buy a candle and came back. She was crying in my bestfriend's shirt and poor guy was just in the middle of an awkward situation. So I asked if we could just go back and shit and then she was crying in my shirt. So later into this reborn friendship I asked her if my ex ex hated me. Remember, this isn't a current ex or any guy that I had relations with, the one waaaay back when I started this blog. Anyways, she said all this stuff like no he doesn't and that I should just text him next time that I wanted to because it wouldn't do much harm. So I did, he said no and all this other stuff that really made me feel good about myself like really good. So now we're friends too. Back to the story, we've been texting alot and now I call him at night because I feel lonely and bored. Two days ago he came by and picked me up and we drove with an absoloute no sense of direction. Here let me paste my tumblr post about that day on here; Did you know today’s the first day of summer? Well I spent it with an exboyfriend surprisingly. He picked me up and we just drove. Where? We dont know we just kept driving and then eventually went to amerige. We talked at one of the tables then I kept touching everything in his car. Then we just drove again. This time we ended up at La mirada park. Walked around. Then messed around for a good 25 mins in his car. Then went to my neighborhood and laid in his car for 15 mins then left. And I jacked his hat ^^ Next time we’re eating lunch someplace good :] Good first day of summer I must say
Yup. that was the day, I had a picture of me wearing his hat but that's on my facebook so I'm not gonna repost that. Yesterday I was late on checking my texts and I guess he took me seriously when I said I was bored and to come get me because a couple misread texts and finally "I'm at the gate" He stopped by and I freaked out because I was at such a risk of getting caught. Not that there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, he is just a friend but then again, I have filipino parents and fuck those rules like seriously. Anyways I chilled in his car for a bit then that was over and I left.
Todaaaay. He came and got me like usual and then we drove and drove and ended up in target and bringing up all this shit from the past. Then we passed sunnyhills and ended up in some random parkinglot because we had no idea where we were going. Then ended back up at la mirada park's parking lot and just listened to music there. The end. More to come though, bye friend.

Sane

"We're only human, we need people around to feel happy. And even then we probably aren't completely happy. But that's normal. If you're alone, you can't really just make yourself happy. When we laugh, sure yeah but no one's really completely happy. And if they are, they're probably not sane."

I Love Lim. Even when I still called you Christine before you moved to a different school and now every calls you names and nick names routed from your last name :]

nostalgia

Reading makes me feel wierd. It makes me want to write, I guess thats why when my teacher asked me if I read alot and she assumed so because "I'm a good writer" I found that funny because I don't read alot. But when I do, it kinda jet starts my mind and I start thinking things in different ways. In the book I'm reading which I actually started a year ago but never finished said that if you light a cigerrate and it lights halfway that means someone is thinking about you. Then it made me think of how many different people pop into my head every now and then. And how little things make me think of that person or whoever what they look like what they said what they did at the one second. And then made me realize, I probably pop into someone's mind every now and then. And it's wierd because I have no idea whose mind I'm in right now. Even a stranger, sometimes I look at random people and then later in my day or life think about what they looked like or what they wore just for the hell of it. And to think that someone probably does the same about me makes me feel naked. It's kind of an invasion of privacy. I guess I should stop that.
Reading makes me talk wierd. Like this blog I'm typing. I guess because I'm reading about another person perspectives and life and how much more their life sucks than mine or how much worse mine is makes me feel wierd. I don't feel like myself. I feel like I've been making all these little traumas the biggest moment in my life. But then again they weren't really "little traumas" Maybe I just feel wierd because I stick my eyes into these pages and start thinking and talking like them because I had been reading for so long. Even that I feel like I am that character for a moment because I can relate. But then I remember that this isn't a real person, just some made up character that some strager created and wrote down on paper.

I had a deep conversation yesterday with a friend about a topic that I really hate. She said that I try all these things to do to make me feel happy. But I'm really not happy and that everything that I've done isn't going to continue and I realized thats true. Because I'm not with my friends at dinner or at a movies still. I'm at home. Alone, feeling, not happy. So am I really happy? I don't know. I honestly dont know what I am at this moment in time. I don't cry anymore. I just, I wanna know what really being happy feels like since I'm not even sure if I've been happy all along. After all, I do make myself really extremely hyper when my life's falling apart. Did I tell you that? I do that so I don't cry in front of people. People see me like that all time. Hyper, loud. I wonder if anyone really thinks they know who I am. What I'm feeling. If they look at me and say that one girl always laughs. I wonder if anyone else laughs when their heart's are hurting. I dont know what I am. I don't know what I should do or what I should need. I don't know how to win. Am I depressed? No. Did something else happen this time? No. I'm just wondering how all these people go on living with themselves knowing what they've done to a person. Am I hurting? No. I'm just curious. But then again, curiousity killed the cat.

New.

Nothing terrible has happened in awhile, but I guess i shouldn't jinx it.
Anyways, made a tumblr. Since everyone had one just for fun I thought I should have. It's just a whatever blog. A happy blog haha
cheskababesx3.tumblr.com

Leaving for Cancun at 5 am tomorrow morning. Woo, summer