Weekend

I didn't notice how quiet it was in my room, in the house
till I had ripped the blasting headphones from ears
and stopped hearing, reading, crying, and wondering why
I didn't notice. It was so quiet it was almost as if the world stopped
my whole mindset stopped
I would have thought so if it weren't for the sound of cars on the busy street outside my house
I never thought I'd come to the thought of us
ending? Stopping? No, not that. The end of all love and care
and willingness to love and care. That, yes that.
I didn't speak, I didn't smile, I didn't feel. This whole day I couldn't feel
it was like every move I made was of nothingness
nothing, was my answer when someone asked how I was feeling
I felt nothing.
Maybe I did, a small abstract emotion that could not specified
due to the mixture of irritance, heartbreak, anguish, and lonelyness
Lonelyness..
Who just leaves like that..
I guess I did feel something
otherwise I wouldn't be crying..
I just don't know what's it's called
I just don't know what to say

Don't know

You don't care, you really don't huh?
I can't sleep normally, you've got me feeling miserable
I know you don't mean it
but do you really not know? You don't
I don't know exactly how to feel about this
So I'll just not feel at all.

So much

For a happy 2 months.
Barely texted
2 to 3 hour late replies
No phone call
No I love you
The end.
My phone's gone.
what makes you think its all okay..
You have no consideration for me :/
Happy 2 months.
Today's been a blast..

Jealousy

There's that senseful jealousy like the one with a perfect reason to be jealous and just that stupid plain needy jealousy. The second one, yup that's me. Actually, it's both. I try to change the story to fit the person's life in which i am venting to and I've gotten some yeah I'd be fucking pissed to some Actually I'd do that too.
We're all different people so we all look at things differently, i've come to the conclusion that, and I wish I could write this in like font size 46 but MAYBE I JUST HAVE MORE CONSIDERATION THAN YOU
sucks that I can't even tell you that this is bothering me cuz I get my phone taken away at 9 fucking 30. And who wants to fight through text or instant messaging. Fuck I wouldn't. I'd sign off. My point exactly. So i sit just here, letting that monster jealousy eat me away till I go crazy again. Oh, I forgot to include that. It's the funniest thing, I get all crazy insanely hyper well.. Not hyper, more like crazy. Yeah, that's it, crazy. Stupid crazy and I won't shut up. I realized when that happens, it's only because something really hurt me and I'm just trying to look like a badass and not care. How pathetic, but I really am quite sensitive when it comes down to it. All of this stupid act just means I really wanna cry.

Red&Gold night 1

Also night 1 w/o you :( rehearsal this morning in front of the school was fun, so was the 2 pm show. The 8 pm however not so good. For some strange reason my stomach started to hurt really bad. It still does :( so I didn't go on for finale, no jumping for me thank you very much. I hope I feel alot better by tomorrow.
Like I said, this is also night 1 without you. When I feel as sick as I do, you're the only one I wanna hear and talk to. But you're not here.. I have to wait till Sunday.. I'll just be listening to your old recordings from before to help me sleep easier..

Anyways, my eyes burn. All that makeup, eyelash glue, and glitter kills.

The last night

Before Red&Gold. I had rehearsal at my practically co captain's house this evening and wow. It was the biggest house I have ever seen. There's a whole freaking park/water park/field/bar/kitchen in the backyard with 50 ft tall trees. WTF ahaha but I seriously love my drill team. I love my captain I love red&gold. This night was so much fun and I cannot wait for tomorrow. My hair is in retarded swirls pinned to my head since I dont have a curling iron this is how I gotta do it. But makeup and hair will be fixed in the manana. I'm so siked. This is it guys, Red&Gold.

Of all days

For this to happen, today. I didn't think it'd last the entire day and night but I'm guessing it will. I tried so fucking hard to make my plan work and now that it can happen, it'd just be awkward because of today. Mother fxcker. I needa go outside.