I left LA wednesday night and we hit some heavy traffic but soon enough i fell asleep. Later into the long car ride I stayed awake because I didn't feel tired at all. We stopped in Bakersfield to get some Jack in the Box. Bakersfield smells like shit. Like actual cow poop, it was fucking terrible ahaha. Anyways, I later switched spots with my mom and I sat in the middle of my mom and my brother. I couldn't even try to sleep because he was next to me. We made fun of that ridiculous song called Shots. Good times, soo funny. I fell asleep hugging my mom then as we neared Fairfield, we were driving in a two way lane. Scary. Shit. As far as I could see, it was thick white fog. Out all 4 windows plus the 2 tiny ones in the back, white fog. We turned on our headlights, still, all we could see was the fog and the row of yellow reflectors that would appear out of nowhere. I know this might sound ridiculous but have you ever seen 28 Weeks Later? I seriously was waiting for one of the mutated people standing in the middle of the road with their shoulders hunched with their blood red eyes, sweaty dirty faces and mouth open. I was waiting to see one of them jump on the front of our car. But nothing came up. The road became clear with white fog walls every now and then. I asked my mom if it were ghosts and she said yeah ahaha.
Yesterday, I went up to San Ramon and saw my cousin Shermie who I call Ate. She asked me two unexpected questions, after that,I told her my life story. Soon after, my cousin Stacey came. Both ate shermie and stacey are about my brothers age although I think Stacey is 21 because she has her own JD and Captain Morgan bottles and her parents know. Shermie's 19,like my brother. Anyways, I watched Hercules at Stacey's house and then we went back to my Lola's house and right when Stacey told me to spill about all the gossip I had with Shermie, we had to leave and did. I came home and hung around with my brother and then after the whole thanksgiving dinner, my cousin Jasmin who's 18 came over. We got bored and I got permission to leave. We drove around and literally got lost about a million times. We went to her friend Chris' house because they were gonna take me to a kickback. But then we had to go home and so we did. We got lost,again. Except this time it was hella fucking scary. I thought I cussed alot, ohhh noo, I was wrong ahaha. I wanted to sleepover her house like I used to back when I was saaay, 10? But my dad said no. Since I'm going to San Fransisco tonight instead of tomorrow, I might text Jasmin to take me out to a movie or something. I'm enjoying myself. I wish I took pictures with my cousins, I hardly see them, especially Shermie and Stacey, those girls looked after me when I was like 8.
Today, black friday, I woke up at 5:30 with my mom but we went to a shitty outlet, at least I thought it was shitty. I didn't get craap! The next outlet although that was in Napa Valley I believe, I bought aloot. I felt happier when I bought a jumpsuit from American Aparrel, still depressed that my parents didn't let me buy the aqua windbreaker :[ I still might buy it behind their back. I bought alot but not enough Xp I'm really looking forward to going to the city tonight. This time I won't look like trash -_____-
Other than this thanksgiving weekend, I think I made a mistake. A big one.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Pinky Promise
Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday and I had fun, alot of fun. It was great. I have 100+ pictures from the party. It couldn't have been any more better than what it was.
It's ridiculous what goes through the mind and heart of someone as young as I. The emotions are building up inside of me, I'm going right then the next thing I'm going left. I'm hypocrite, I think I'm the biggest one I know. I can't take my own advice. I actually did realize something this morning. This situation is the same one as that my best friend was in a couple weeks ago. I told her what I thought she should do and she did. I don't quite know if shes happy because she doesn't tell me but I hope she is.
I didn't follow up on the words I told her. I didn't, I did the exact opposite. A friend told me that the one that makes you cry is the one that you should go for. But another friend tells me constantly "I don't want to hear this" The only person that I'll ever listen to and believe. I do believe what she says, I don't listen. I'll wait, she told me she's surprised that I'm still strong after everything, but again, I'm waiting.
Please don't tell me what I did was stupid, It was unfair, it was unfair. Please, just please don't tell me that it was wrong. "do you expect him not to be mad when he liked you and you chose someone else? of course he's mad"
I'm sorry, but I'm going for something that I want even though when I say that I think this is the right thing, the right one; the person who's opinion matters the most refuses to listen.
It's ridiculous what goes through the mind and heart of someone as young as I. The emotions are building up inside of me, I'm going right then the next thing I'm going left. I'm hypocrite, I think I'm the biggest one I know. I can't take my own advice. I actually did realize something this morning. This situation is the same one as that my best friend was in a couple weeks ago. I told her what I thought she should do and she did. I don't quite know if shes happy because she doesn't tell me but I hope she is.
I didn't follow up on the words I told her. I didn't, I did the exact opposite. A friend told me that the one that makes you cry is the one that you should go for. But another friend tells me constantly "I don't want to hear this" The only person that I'll ever listen to and believe. I do believe what she says, I don't listen. I'll wait, she told me she's surprised that I'm still strong after everything, but again, I'm waiting.
Please don't tell me what I did was stupid, It was unfair, it was unfair. Please, just please don't tell me that it was wrong. "do you expect him not to be mad when he liked you and you chose someone else? of course he's mad"
I'm sorry, but I'm going for something that I want even though when I say that I think this is the right thing, the right one; the person who's opinion matters the most refuses to listen.
Friday, November 20, 2009
I'll Take Us Home
Today was alot better than yesterday, yesterday was a bad day. A very bad day but I won't drag along on that because today was good. Very good. I got a good grade on my religion test, i got a C on my geometry test, and i think aced my english test. And Comp&design? That class was glorious, soo fucking fun I couldn't believe it. I talked alot for me being the only sophomore in that area of the class. I had fun, made up for yesterday and just the day in general was good. I love Tiffany Solymon.
I walked to BobaYa with Lien again, fun fun. I went there in my rosary sweats and blue v neck and a bum black jacket. I felt comfy because it was cold and I liked it. I didn't really care about how I looked for once. I think I'm starting to be like that permanately. I mean all that exterior beauty is just gonna wrinkle up anyways. It doesn't last, it doesn't matter. But I'm still self conscious, I'm a hypocrite.
Since it was freezing, all the windows on the cars were fogged up in my neighborhood. I drew a big dick on this one car. I know, immature, but it was funny how I was so subtle about it. Then I attempted to draw vaginas on Lien's mom's van. There's like four.
Today was good. Tomorrow should be better though
The cutuest thing I've ever seen
I walked to BobaYa with Lien again, fun fun. I went there in my rosary sweats and blue v neck and a bum black jacket. I felt comfy because it was cold and I liked it. I didn't really care about how I looked for once. I think I'm starting to be like that permanately. I mean all that exterior beauty is just gonna wrinkle up anyways. It doesn't last, it doesn't matter. But I'm still self conscious, I'm a hypocrite.
Since it was freezing, all the windows on the cars were fogged up in my neighborhood. I drew a big dick on this one car. I know, immature, but it was funny how I was so subtle about it. Then I attempted to draw vaginas on Lien's mom's van. There's like four.
Today was good. Tomorrow should be better though
The cutuest thing I've ever seen
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I'm Just Like You
So leave me alone! I likey i likey that soong. I'm in love with the singer,she's so cute. I like people who can sing or draw, it makes me go crazzyyyy.
I had a couple of deep talks in the hallway with my friend today after school. I liked it, it's suuuper relaxing to just sit and talk serious when mostly we're always joking around and trying to do each other in between classes. I like the fact that I can have a friend that I can trust with all my secrets and would trust me with all theirs, feel comfortable with, and joke with. It's amazing, for some reason that felt really good to just talk. I wish we talked more, I like talking. I don't really like joking around as much I mean I do it alot but sitting down and having a serious talk or just venting or explaining what doesn't have to be explained feels absoloutely amazing. I wish I knew a better word than amazing.
I wanna start singing again, I'm not the greatest but hey I'm not monstrously bad. Oh Oh! that person I previously blogged about, I'm hoping that there's something in store for us later later on? May sound creepy because we don't know that much about each other but theres something about you that's driving me out of my mind.
I wanna meet someone who'd do tiny things for me like draw me a really cool picture or serenade me or play a song and let me sing along. I want that really badly. That be peeeerfect, that's exactly what I want in a relationship, those tiny things.
the greatest first break of my life
I had a couple of deep talks in the hallway with my friend today after school. I liked it, it's suuuper relaxing to just sit and talk serious when mostly we're always joking around and trying to do each other in between classes. I like the fact that I can have a friend that I can trust with all my secrets and would trust me with all theirs, feel comfortable with, and joke with. It's amazing, for some reason that felt really good to just talk. I wish we talked more, I like talking. I don't really like joking around as much I mean I do it alot but sitting down and having a serious talk or just venting or explaining what doesn't have to be explained feels absoloutely amazing. I wish I knew a better word than amazing.
I wanna start singing again, I'm not the greatest but hey I'm not monstrously bad. Oh Oh! that person I previously blogged about, I'm hoping that there's something in store for us later later on? May sound creepy because we don't know that much about each other but theres something about you that's driving me out of my mind.
I wanna meet someone who'd do tiny things for me like draw me a really cool picture or serenade me or play a song and let me sing along. I want that really badly. That be peeeerfect, that's exactly what I want in a relationship, those tiny things.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Control
I had a really good schedule today, but I had way too much on my mind to relax. Now I have the worst schedule tomorrow, that won't be relaxing at all. I feel happy I feel angry I feel infatuated I feel hurt I feel depressed then I forget how to feel completely and end up thinking what's going on? It's kinda hard to see what certain things actually mean rather than what is illustrated before you, really hard. I won't say anymore because this isn't private.
You know what else sucks, liking someone increasingly but having to the live with the fact or possibility, you can never have them. I can get shy but not with this. With this it's a wholeee different form of shy. Let me say this as plainly as I can. It's like I'm in third grade and the certain someone walks by and I get that strange feeling in my stomach but I have no idea what it is.
That, is exactly what happened to me. I didn't know what it was so I simply ignored it and kept drinking out of my water bottle. Then it happened again and that time I knew why I felt that feeling and started to freak out. I tried to ignore it but then I became more and more self conscious whenever I saw you. And then the third time it happened, except you were looking back. That's when I noticed that you have really pretty eyes. Then I noticed you kept on looking at me the entire time, obviously, I freaked out. This is the first time in a long time that I naturally like someone. Usually I talk to a person and then gradually fall for them but with you, I got butterflies? Yeah, those I got those constantly to the point that I realized that I had .. feelings for you? I don't know, I gueeess I like you.. And then today, we laughed together about the same things twice. Not really a conversation, just laughs and jokes. That's when I noticed you had an amazing smile. I got really close to saying hi to you but that crashed and burned because of my brother. And that's a big thing! That's a reallly big thing! Because like I said earlier, when it comes to this stuff I get really really shy. Anyways.. I don't know how this would all go, I have to wait for more signs, but in the meantime hopefully I can at least have you as a friend. I like you, I don't know why, it just happened. The butterflies, the self consciousness, all that happened naturally. And that's gotta mean something too right?! It has to.. because this hasn't happened to me in a long time! Or probably not at all. Am I overanalyzing this? I don't know but I'm excited for the next time you cross my way.
You know what else sucks, liking someone increasingly but having to the live with the fact or possibility, you can never have them. I can get shy but not with this. With this it's a wholeee different form of shy. Let me say this as plainly as I can. It's like I'm in third grade and the certain someone walks by and I get that strange feeling in my stomach but I have no idea what it is.
That, is exactly what happened to me. I didn't know what it was so I simply ignored it and kept drinking out of my water bottle. Then it happened again and that time I knew why I felt that feeling and started to freak out. I tried to ignore it but then I became more and more self conscious whenever I saw you. And then the third time it happened, except you were looking back. That's when I noticed that you have really pretty eyes. Then I noticed you kept on looking at me the entire time, obviously, I freaked out. This is the first time in a long time that I naturally like someone. Usually I talk to a person and then gradually fall for them but with you, I got butterflies? Yeah, those I got those constantly to the point that I realized that I had .. feelings for you? I don't know, I gueeess I like you.. And then today, we laughed together about the same things twice. Not really a conversation, just laughs and jokes. That's when I noticed you had an amazing smile. I got really close to saying hi to you but that crashed and burned because of my brother. And that's a big thing! That's a reallly big thing! Because like I said earlier, when it comes to this stuff I get really really shy. Anyways.. I don't know how this would all go, I have to wait for more signs, but in the meantime hopefully I can at least have you as a friend. I like you, I don't know why, it just happened. The butterflies, the self consciousness, all that happened naturally. And that's gotta mean something too right?! It has to.. because this hasn't happened to me in a long time! Or probably not at all. Am I overanalyzing this? I don't know but I'm excited for the next time you cross my way.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Opaque
My birthday was on thursday & to be honest, it kinda sucked. Aside from the batch of delcious cupcakes and two cakes that everyone inhaled, it really did. I have to say thanks to my friend Brittany Ramirez because she made lunch time really good even though shit was still going on. And also to Danielle Ann for being with me at second break. I'm over it now it just seems as it if it still continues. Of all days it had to be my birthday.
I came home, dog ran away again. Packed, showered, then left. The trip was alright, I'm still here though I'll be leaving here around 2 or 3. I realized that I had left my health binder in my locker having been in such a rush to get from the park to school. All that's due first thing tomorrow morning. Siigh.
Anyways, here in Fairfield California I was supposed to hang out with my 18 year old cousin Jasmin like we always do when I come down. Nope, didn't happen and I had to sit through all last night watching everyone get drunk and babies cry. It was really boring, my only entertainment was when the baby actually wanted me to carry them or when a herd of sexy black men came out of the room for food. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm somewhat black now. I realized that. Anywho, I expected to go shopping like actually go shopping because now I have money and the season's changing. Nope, didn't go shopping. I went to a crappy outlet and got a small purse bag thing, stole two magnificent rings, and glasses. Oh wait, and a really cool overpriced shirt from Zumiez. I really like it but I was expecting more than just that on the account of me being completely loaded. I guess I'll just wait till the next time I go to the mall.
At nighttime, it's freezing here. Like literally freezing. I thought it was cold back in LA but it's not haha Omg, it's ridiculous.
On a side note, I tried getting over you but it's not working. I even have someone that I see now every week, but it's not working. Get out my head, I want you back.
Oh that's my new phone guys
I came home, dog ran away again. Packed, showered, then left. The trip was alright, I'm still here though I'll be leaving here around 2 or 3. I realized that I had left my health binder in my locker having been in such a rush to get from the park to school. All that's due first thing tomorrow morning. Siigh.
Anyways, here in Fairfield California I was supposed to hang out with my 18 year old cousin Jasmin like we always do when I come down. Nope, didn't happen and I had to sit through all last night watching everyone get drunk and babies cry. It was really boring, my only entertainment was when the baby actually wanted me to carry them or when a herd of sexy black men came out of the room for food. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm somewhat black now. I realized that. Anywho, I expected to go shopping like actually go shopping because now I have money and the season's changing. Nope, didn't go shopping. I went to a crappy outlet and got a small purse bag thing, stole two magnificent rings, and glasses. Oh wait, and a really cool overpriced shirt from Zumiez. I really like it but I was expecting more than just that on the account of me being completely loaded. I guess I'll just wait till the next time I go to the mall.
At nighttime, it's freezing here. Like literally freezing. I thought it was cold back in LA but it's not haha Omg, it's ridiculous.
On a side note, I tried getting over you but it's not working. I even have someone that I see now every week, but it's not working. Get out my head, I want you back.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Decipher
There are times where you are to be unselfish and care for others, but like all things in the world, it has a paralell contradiction. You care for yourself before others.
So it's done decided. I was so sure of myself of what I wanted. I was so confident and hopeful and ready. But it's not right. I'm not trying to make this sound like the couple of words I heard at lunch are holding me back from doing what I want. I'm just saying, what a bummer.
I know, I'm barely turning fifteen, I probably don't even know what the hell I'm talking about but I guess the reason why this is so hard for me is because well I'm in love with you. You're different from the past people, and it's so hard, so damn hard to let go of the past summer. But I have to, because well it's what's right and it's what will get me happy in the end right? Hopefully..
Idk, idk what I'm saying. It's up to you because I know what I want. I just wish I knew what you wanted.
So it's done decided. I was so sure of myself of what I wanted. I was so confident and hopeful and ready. But it's not right. I'm not trying to make this sound like the couple of words I heard at lunch are holding me back from doing what I want. I'm just saying, what a bummer.
I know, I'm barely turning fifteen, I probably don't even know what the hell I'm talking about but I guess the reason why this is so hard for me is because well I'm in love with you. You're different from the past people, and it's so hard, so damn hard to let go of the past summer. But I have to, because well it's what's right and it's what will get me happy in the end right? Hopefully..
Idk, idk what I'm saying. It's up to you because I know what I want. I just wish I knew what you wanted.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Bad Romance
Yayayayayayay I finally saw where the wild things are x]
I don't get how some people hate it/don't get it/think its boring. Heartless niggers, I cried! I tried holding it back but it just came out. When max left the island and carol was running omgggg sob sob what a beautiful movie.
Oh nothing interesting todaaaii. My birthday's coming up, I'm excited for that fa'sho especially the road trip! OMG sooo excited.
Uhh Uhh, nothing to saaaaaay blahblahblah i like girls
FIN.
I don't get how some people hate it/don't get it/think its boring. Heartless niggers, I cried! I tried holding it back but it just came out. When max left the island and carol was running omgggg sob sob what a beautiful movie.
Oh nothing interesting todaaaii. My birthday's coming up, I'm excited for that fa'sho especially the road trip! OMG sooo excited.
Uhh Uhh, nothing to saaaaaay blahblahblah i like girls
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Escape
I could say that yesterday was the most terrible day of school I could possibly ever have. This time, I am NOT overreacting I am NOT complaining.
It was a bad schedule, I can deal with that. I had tests, sure. But overall I think me failing my first test brought me down. & the in class essay last period had stressed me out like no other. I love english class, I love everything we do in the class, grammar, literature, vocabulary, reading, writing our own stories. I love it, but essays are my weak point, especially it was in class. I had taken tiny notes of how I was going to structure my essay along with about 4 to 5 pages of re-search. By third block I was told I could only use one when I had two pages per body paragraph. I spent the rest of that geometry class and lunch copying down what I wanted, onto the paper that had how I would structure it. I realized that I had many mistakes that contradicted my main point so I re-wrote a HUGE part of my essay notes with the help of a teacher. When I finished writing it all down on 6 pages in class I thought I could relax but I got criticizing texts. It was only a misunderstanding, so why be so harsh? Getting angry is a whole different concept when it comes to this person. You have no idea.
But it all went back to normal in a matter of time and I was exhausted. But I went to the football game with Amber and it started off like crap but it couldn't have ended any better. If that night continued to suck ass I could've killed myself. I can't take so much crap in one day. I need to breathe
Today I watched Whats Eating Gilbert Grape. I don't think I have ever seen such a well directed movie. I don't know how someone can put so much symbolism into every single EVERY SINGLE thing in one movie. I'm just happy my brother was there to interpret it all. In a couple hours I'm off to see Where the Wild Things are, Finally.
It was a bad schedule, I can deal with that. I had tests, sure. But overall I think me failing my first test brought me down. & the in class essay last period had stressed me out like no other. I love english class, I love everything we do in the class, grammar, literature, vocabulary, reading, writing our own stories. I love it, but essays are my weak point, especially it was in class. I had taken tiny notes of how I was going to structure my essay along with about 4 to 5 pages of re-search. By third block I was told I could only use one when I had two pages per body paragraph. I spent the rest of that geometry class and lunch copying down what I wanted, onto the paper that had how I would structure it. I realized that I had many mistakes that contradicted my main point so I re-wrote a HUGE part of my essay notes with the help of a teacher. When I finished writing it all down on 6 pages in class I thought I could relax but I got criticizing texts. It was only a misunderstanding, so why be so harsh? Getting angry is a whole different concept when it comes to this person. You have no idea.
But it all went back to normal in a matter of time and I was exhausted. But I went to the football game with Amber and it started off like crap but it couldn't have ended any better. If that night continued to suck ass I could've killed myself. I can't take so much crap in one day. I need to breathe
Today I watched Whats Eating Gilbert Grape. I don't think I have ever seen such a well directed movie. I don't know how someone can put so much symbolism into every single EVERY SINGLE thing in one movie. I'm just happy my brother was there to interpret it all. In a couple hours I'm off to see Where the Wild Things are, Finally.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Nueva
My grades came in and my parents were extremely proud of me. I'm getting a new phone very soon and $20 ^-^
I'm trying to be an overachiever and get ahead of my work and think before acting. It's working out great, sure yeah, it's stressful very stressful but it sure is beneficial.
What made my day; Random sweet texts like:
TS: You made today good (:
- I wanna spend the day with you again.
Stealing and praying oh today ended great.
"I'd fuck her here, here, there, and over there, and in here!"
I live for reckless laughter. It feels great to escape everything.
I'm trying to be an overachiever and get ahead of my work and think before acting. It's working out great, sure yeah, it's stressful very stressful but it sure is beneficial.
What made my day; Random sweet texts like:
TS: You made today good (:
- I wanna spend the day with you again.
Stealing and praying oh today ended great.
"I'd fuck her here, here, there, and over there, and in here!"
I live for reckless laughter. It feels great to escape everything.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Short Fuse
I think the reason why I've been such a bitch lately is because I'm on my rag. I'm so cranky almost all the time now, I probably annoy people with that. If it's not that, then maybe I'm just too stressed. Suck it up right? Yeah I guess, I'll stop complaining once something actually good happens for a change :/
Like I've been saying to those close friends of mine "It's like back to normal, but not"
Sucks, because sometimes I just need you, not want you, not desire you, I actually need you. A friend once told me not to call myself a lousy sophomore because we're all on the same boat. That helped me to feel a bit less pathetic than what I currently am. I'm confusing I agree, I am confused. I want what I can't have, I need what I won't let myself get. I've seen others fall, I really don't want to feel those emotions they described to me although I have felt it before, why should I go through all that again? I can't keep running away from my problems, maybe I should just deal with it and stop complaining because I'm complaining alot now aren't I?
Like I've been saying to those close friends of mine "It's like back to normal, but not"
Sucks, because sometimes I just need you, not want you, not desire you, I actually need you. A friend once told me not to call myself a lousy sophomore because we're all on the same boat. That helped me to feel a bit less pathetic than what I currently am. I'm confusing I agree, I am confused. I want what I can't have, I need what I won't let myself get. I've seen others fall, I really don't want to feel those emotions they described to me although I have felt it before, why should I go through all that again? I can't keep running away from my problems, maybe I should just deal with it and stop complaining because I'm complaining alot now aren't I?
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Rush
So this week I'm going to attend my first debate meetings. Apparently it's also preparation for this saturday's tournament. Uhm,, yeah like I said. MY FIRST TIME I'm scared shitless and to be honest I have like 15% self confidence. I can't approach un familiar people, I can't ask a simple question to a hardly familiar face, I can't smile at a person I find attractive, I'm pessimistic practically. So why am I in DEBATE of all teams to be in. Oh sigh, I would be more confident if I hadn't had been forced to debate on congress. My fuck man, I'm really scared.
My mom told me that to shut my mouth about my actual feelings and when I have the need to complain to go to her. There are some things I'm not comfortable talking about though ma. And these days I'm ashamed to say what I have the need to because I know I'm going to hear the same stuff. Friends? Yeah, same thing with them, the previous sentence refers to them. I've had so much crap bottled up inside lately that when the tiniest negative sentence that is spoken towards me, makes me want to cry. Not like being called stupid are anything, say we're joking and you're being mean. Yeah, I'd cry. I'm hormonal too because well its that time of the month and I'm stressing because of debate. I'm impatient and ill-tempered to begin with. Oh what positive characteristics, I'm going to live my life alone -____- I'm still fourteen, well barely, that'll change soon but I just can't seem to be satisfied with what I have. Spoiled? No, its not like that. It's different, this is different. Goddamn I need to talk to someone who understands. I hate bottling things up like this, one day I swear I'm going to end up crying at school like the pathetic little pussy I am.
My mom told me that to shut my mouth about my actual feelings and when I have the need to complain to go to her. There are some things I'm not comfortable talking about though ma. And these days I'm ashamed to say what I have the need to because I know I'm going to hear the same stuff. Friends? Yeah, same thing with them, the previous sentence refers to them. I've had so much crap bottled up inside lately that when the tiniest negative sentence that is spoken towards me, makes me want to cry. Not like being called stupid are anything, say we're joking and you're being mean. Yeah, I'd cry. I'm hormonal too because well its that time of the month and I'm stressing because of debate. I'm impatient and ill-tempered to begin with. Oh what positive characteristics, I'm going to live my life alone -____- I'm still fourteen, well barely, that'll change soon but I just can't seem to be satisfied with what I have. Spoiled? No, its not like that. It's different, this is different. Goddamn I need to talk to someone who understands. I hate bottling things up like this, one day I swear I'm going to end up crying at school like the pathetic little pussy I am.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween
I should write ASSHOLE in big red letters across my face. I guess you can say I blew off my cousin. I feel like shit I really shouldn't have. Maybe I'm taking it up the ass too much or maybe I'm not but if I could take it back I would. Because waking up this morning felt like crap knowing that she was supposed to be there sleeping over. But she's still gonna come over for like thanksgiving or some crap. My birthday or whatever. But it doesn't change anything. Family comes first.
For halloween I went to Lim's house and we walked to Cerritos Regional where there was this little festival type thing. They sold shitty churros and shitty cotton candy and I was forced to go in the Haunted maze crap in which I almost shitted myself. It probably wasn't even that bad but I'm a pussy. I think I was the only one screaming because the times where I would stop to breathe it was quiet.. Bahaha oh man. We got bored and walked to Target and fucked around there. For some reason whenever I hang out with her we always end up going to Target. After making a mess of oversized underwear and socks and beanie seat bags, we strolled on over to her house and watched Sweet Phsyco 16? Idk, it was kinda wierd. The killer's daughter was fucking hot though, we both agreed on that. Then we watched Vacancy but I didn't get to finish it because my dad decided to come get me. It was like almost 11 so I could see why and I didn't argue.
In the car my dad told me that him and my mom decided not to bring home my dog. He ran away in the morning because the garage door was open when he was eating and the Downey pound called and said they got him. My parents left to go get him and I didn't realize that when they got home, he wasn't there. I was too occupied with going to Lim's house to notice. Now, I notice his absense in this house every second.
I hate twitter. I'm going to unsubscribe myself to a couple people. I don't want to hear about your new infatuations while I'm still dwelling on the past. Im sorry to complain but, life's getting worse every damn day.
I need a miracle.
Looking through my photobucket for that, I came across a once pleasant picture. I'm going back to sleep.
For halloween I went to Lim's house and we walked to Cerritos Regional where there was this little festival type thing. They sold shitty churros and shitty cotton candy and I was forced to go in the Haunted maze crap in which I almost shitted myself. It probably wasn't even that bad but I'm a pussy. I think I was the only one screaming because the times where I would stop to breathe it was quiet.. Bahaha oh man. We got bored and walked to Target and fucked around there. For some reason whenever I hang out with her we always end up going to Target. After making a mess of oversized underwear and socks and beanie seat bags, we strolled on over to her house and watched Sweet Phsyco 16? Idk, it was kinda wierd. The killer's daughter was fucking hot though, we both agreed on that. Then we watched Vacancy but I didn't get to finish it because my dad decided to come get me. It was like almost 11 so I could see why and I didn't argue.
In the car my dad told me that him and my mom decided not to bring home my dog. He ran away in the morning because the garage door was open when he was eating and the Downey pound called and said they got him. My parents left to go get him and I didn't realize that when they got home, he wasn't there. I was too occupied with going to Lim's house to notice. Now, I notice his absense in this house every second.
I hate twitter. I'm going to unsubscribe myself to a couple people. I don't want to hear about your new infatuations while I'm still dwelling on the past. Im sorry to complain but, life's getting worse every damn day.
I need a miracle.
Looking through my photobucket for that, I came across a once pleasant picture. I'm going back to sleep.
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