Control

I had a really good schedule today, but I had way too much on my mind to relax. Now I have the worst schedule tomorrow, that won't be relaxing at all. I feel happy I feel angry I feel infatuated I feel hurt I feel depressed then I forget how to feel completely and end up thinking what's going on? It's kinda hard to see what certain things actually mean rather than what is illustrated before you, really hard. I won't say anymore because this isn't private.

You know what else sucks, liking someone increasingly but having to the live with the fact or possibility, you can never have them. I can get shy but not with this. With this it's a wholeee different form of shy. Let me say this as plainly as I can. It's like I'm in third grade and the certain someone walks by and I get that strange feeling in my stomach but I have no idea what it is.
That, is exactly what happened to me. I didn't know what it was so I simply ignored it and kept drinking out of my water bottle. Then it happened again and that time I knew why I felt that feeling and started to freak out. I tried to ignore it but then I became more and more self conscious whenever I saw you. And then the third time it happened, except you were looking back. That's when I noticed that you have really pretty eyes. Then I noticed you kept on looking at me the entire time, obviously, I freaked out. This is the first time in a long time that I naturally like someone. Usually I talk to a person and then gradually fall for them but with you, I got butterflies? Yeah, those I got those constantly to the point that I realized that I had .. feelings for you? I don't know, I gueeess I like you.. And then today, we laughed together about the same things twice. Not really a conversation, just laughs and jokes. That's when I noticed you had an amazing smile. I got really close to saying hi to you but that crashed and burned because of my brother. And that's a big thing! That's a reallly big thing! Because like I said earlier, when it comes to this stuff I get really really shy. Anyways.. I don't know how this would all go, I have to wait for more signs, but in the meantime hopefully I can at least have you as a friend. I like you, I don't know why, it just happened. The butterflies, the self consciousness, all that happened naturally. And that's gotta mean something too right?! It has to.. because this hasn't happened to me in a long time! Or probably not at all. Am I overanalyzing this? I don't know but I'm excited for the next time you cross my way.