i've been waiting

it had to happen eventually. at least thats what people told me. i thought that i was stronger than before, not as weak and frail as before, but i guess i was wrong.. i cant stand this feeling, i knew i was gonna get it too. i was so scared that i was gonna come to a point where i was gonna feel completely alone and empty. fuck my life. he has been such a big part of my life for seven and a half months and now hes gone. no wait, scratch that,he was my life. everything i ever wanted or needed was him. yeah i know, it was my choice, i didnt wanna give another try. but we've tried so many times, so am i wrong? i could be.. he did change.. a whole lot and i thank him for that, but it doesnt feel right. i hate to admit this or say it but yeah. i wished i didn't clean my room, i wish i was with someone right now so this loneliness wasn't so exaggerated on me. yesterday when i got off the computer from talking to everyone and i stepped into my room. i just stood in the middle of my empty ass room and i looked at my phone. no texts. no calls. nothing. so i just broke down and started crying again. im thinking im crying because i miss him, well of course i miss him, he was always there and now he's not.

its just a matter of time i guess. i guess i'll stop crying some time soon and ill be able to look back on our relationship without bursting out into an obnoxious cry. no one will ever show me the things he has in life and i know i have much more to go through and see but hes taught me alot with the time we had together. and i'll never forget any of the things i said. i remember this relationship from day 1, literally november 1 2008. that was one sweet day filled with shaking knees and sweaty hands. one day i might get that feeling again, and one day hes gonna get it too. and we'll both be happier than how we were with each other.. right? i hope these things are true its the only thing thats keeping my head up.
for now ill just keep living my life, just with him not in it every second of my life.. and i'll just hold back the crying and find some way out of this. i will and he will. its just a matter of time

Song of the day
First Day of Spring- Chris Brown ;[